Lay preacher, Rodney Whittenberg, talks about feeling afraid often in life, but reminds us that fear is sometimes a useful emotion. Fear can help us make decisions in our own best interests. To illustrate, he shares a story of his father feeling afraid while driving, and also a story from a friend of his who happens to be an Army Ranger. What happens when we embrace the fear we feel, rather than trying to shove it aside?
Making Friends With Fear
NAME
DATE
December 1, 2020
DURATION
21m 13s
Making Friends with Fear Message.mp3
START OF TRANSCRIPT
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The following is a message from Wellspring’s congregation.
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Hi, Wellspring’s, it’s good to be with you this Sunday morning. Our series on being afraid when I found out that that
is what we were doing, it really spoke to me. It may surprise some of you, but I am someone who is afraid a lot,
particularly historically when I was younger. I’m afraid of afraid of saying the wrong thing. I’m afraid of, you know,
being inappropriate. I’m afraid of messing stuff up, bumping into things. I’m a little I can be a little clumsy and
awkward. I’m afraid I’m not good enough or smart enough. There’s so many things that fill me with fear. I’m afraid
of physical harm that may come to me because someone is racist, afraid to just just so many things of that. I fear
the definition of fear or being afraid, I should say, is feeling fear or anxiety, worried that something undesirable will
occur or be done. Unwilling or reluctant to do something for fear of consequences, it’s no surprise that I’m afraid, as
many of us are, we live in a culture that.
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Sells us fear, it uses fear to sell us things, and it uses fear and our ability to be afraid to entice us to spend money
on alarm systems or political ideology or or deodorant and breath mints and so on. All of these things play on our
fears that we are afraid that we’re not good enough or we’re not worthy. And look at the success of all the
procedural cop dramas and and police shows, they all let us know that there’s someone out there who is watching
out for us and can wrap up our biggest fear, which is fear of loss of life. They can wrap that all up in a nice, neat
bow in an hour. And it gives us a sense of a sense that there’s somebody out there who’s watching out for us and it
makes us feel just a little bit. Less afraid, and we celebrate those that we think of as being fearless, those who have
no fear, but if you really think about it, to have no fear would make you not human. I mean. It’s a necessary part of
who we are as human beings to be afraid. It goes to the oldest part of our brain. And it helped us as human beings
to survive if. We weren’t afraid. Probably get eaten by lions or attacked by neighboring tribes, or we would make
decisions that were not in our best interests. Fear being afraid. Is actually good, but so many of us just don’t relate
to it that way. We don’t think of fear as being something valuable. We think of it as something we have to
overcome or or get rid of. And this whole series that we’re doing here at Wellspring’s is about how to be with how
to. Be afraid. And still continue and move on with that fear.
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I started out by saying that it might surprise you that I’m afraid and, you know, I’m someone who takes a lot of risks
and I try things and I’m always looking for something interesting and new to do. But that doesn’t mean I’m not
afraid. Fear first came into my life the first time I really recognized being afraid was my dad.
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Now, my dad was a strong independent. African-American man who. Beat all the odds and succeeded. He grew up
really poor. And he managed to do so many things from being one of the best salespeople at Sears ever, selling air
conditioners, refrigerators to being an entrepreneur and owning a number of houses that he rented out, that he
rehab basically all by himself. But I remember probably about by the time I was aware enough to sense what was
going on, we were going to Cape May or Wildwood for vacation. And I remember my dad.
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Gripping the steering wheel and shaking, just shaking and sweating and shaking, he hated driving on highways.
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It scared him. It was. And it was the first time I really remember seeing my dad afraid and seeing what fear can do
to someone that shaking and sweating. And I also think, you know, given the time. Nineteen sixty eight. Sixty nine.
You know, I would imagine there was a good bit of also fear of driving while being black. I mean it was a guy who
was taking his whole family out on the road and driving down. The parkway or the AC expressway, down to the
parkway, down to the shore, and I know from things he used to say that the fear of being pulled over or attacked or
beaten up or or was was a real thing for him was a real thing. And it was a real thing that actually happened. I’ve
talked to a number of people who who have had that experience back in the late 60s, early 70s in the city of
Philadelphia. So that fear that that level of being afraid is real, the way my dad. I drove to the shore is one way of
dealing with fear, you white knuckle your way through you. Hold on. I just I’m going to do this and I’m going to
make it happen no matter what. That’s one way of being afraid. I don’t necessarily think that is the healthiest way.
It is a way, but it’s not necessarily the healthiest way. Or the most growth, full or spiritual way.
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To. Be afraid and move forward, so many of you know that I make my living as an artist.
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I own a studio and there’s two aspects to what I do. There’s the technical aspect, which is in some ways pretty
linear. You know, set up the camera, you plug into some instruments and you set levels and there’s there’s some
art to it. But there’s also it’s pretty technical. The things that you do are the things you do. You know, you learn how
to set them up and you do them. The other side is the creative side. And that’s the side that. Really can be pretty
scary, particularly when you decide that that is how you’re going to feed yourself and put a roof over your head.
And I’m sure many of you out there do creative things and and enjoy them, which is how I got started doing all of
this creative stuff. I enjoyed it. I loved it. When I was a kid, I spent hours making something. But whether it worked
out or not didn’t matter because there was a kid who lived in my parent’s house and there was nothing at stake.
But every day when I wake up and come down to the studio and stare at the blank screen or the blank page or the
blank sheet music paper.
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I am filled with fear.
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Now, it used to be way worse when I was younger. Sometimes it would be crippling. I can think of a number of
times where I found myself literally, I’m not making this up on the floor in the fetal position. Look, calling from my
mom, that was that. You know, it’s that. I can be that debilitating thinking about, wow, what is it that I want to say?
What is it that I want to write even doing this message? There is a level of fear that what I’m saying won’t make any
sense or what I’m doing won’t connect or what I’m saying is so far off what I’m supposed to be talking about or
communicating. And I will look silly or like a fool. And there’s a level of fear to that at the level of being afraid. But
what I would say about all of that is talking to a friend of mine about this very message, my friend Casey, and he is
a former Army Ranger. And you would never know it to me, to me, like the nicest, sweetest guy and amazingly
gentle and.
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And emotional.
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And I did that thing you’re never supposed to do because I told him I was preaching about this and I wanted to ask
him what it was like for him as a Army Ranger who are the elite of the elite and are asked to do things that none of
us could even possibly imagine. And one of the things he said was it was a combination for him of faith.
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And and I want to get this right, he said. Following your training, and we talked almost for about an hour about this,
and he also is a he is a someone who also went to seminary school after he was a ranger and he equated the
training to your practice. And so what that said to me. Was that one of the ways of being able to go through?
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Your fear to be with your fear to be afraid.
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And have it as. To honor it, to have it as a necessary part of you. Is. To also be prepared and to me, what that
sounded like or felt like when I think about it in in relation to you, you practice is. The practice of mindfulness, the
practice of intention, the practice of self awareness, the practice of and discipline of self-control. All of those things
together make it when you I believe, when you are afraid. All of those skills and all of those. Disciplines or practices,
what will allow you?
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To be secure in your faith. That you can be with and move through your fear, your being afraid.
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In a more holistic way, and I thought about it because in relation to what I was talking about earlier in relation to
my work. One of the things that happens.
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Inevitably, when I have that sense of fear, and I should say at this point in my life, after thirty six years of being a
professional creative, that fear doesn’t exist, doesn’t hang around for that long. I get used to it. And I think that is
that I am practiced in doing the things I’m about to do. I take a deep breath.
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And I say, well, you’ve created things like this before. And what’s the worst that could happen if they go wrong, you
try again. And you have had creative deadlines before you’ve met them. And when there’s been a challenge, you’ve
worked through it. So. Let’s just start by taking that first step.
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Play a note, play a chord, write something down on the paper. Take a piece of video and stick it on the timeline and
see what happens. Breathe and do it again.
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Now I recognize that the thing I use as an example is not necessarily a life and death situation. No one’s. Trying to
attack me or trying to physically hurt me, which, as I said, is something that I am I am afraid of, but I also. They
have found in my life experience that the thinking about or the anticipation of something that I think is scary is way
worse than being in the moment. And I have also found that I’ve surprised myself by. Rising to the occasion and
being present and using all of the things that I’ve practiced to have the faith and also to live up to the ideals that I
set for myself.
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And so. I.
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I wish for all of us. All of you. All of us here at Wellspring’s.
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I. Hope and wish that. You are able to.
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Use your discipline, your practice. In uniquely creative ways. To support your. Support you and the ones that you
love and care for. In moving through. Being afraid, maybe not even moving through, but just being with and
recognizing that fear.
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Is.
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Just another part of being human and a necessary part because it gives us information, it gives us it gives us a
sense of. How we can take care of ourselves, you know, one of the things that I discovered in thinking about. The
subject of being afraid is that. If one can have a. A realistic assessment of what is it can help also.
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Help one to figure out what skills that they need to bring to bear to move through the thing that they are afraid of or
feeling fear around.
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And notice, I didn’t say truth, I think the truth is it’s for the philosophers, but if I’m afraid going back to the situation
that I was talking about earlier, if I’m afraid of not being able to complete something, I look around and I say, oh,
again, I’ve done this before.
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And all of us here have come through difficult times before, we’ve come through challenging times, we’ve come
through being afraid.
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So.
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I wish for all of us the strength and the. Discipline to do our practice so that we may be able to walk.
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With and through being afraid. We pray with me, oh, heavenly father. Spirit Gyo. Give us the strength. And the
discipline.
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To commit to our practice. So that we may have the skill and the faith. When those times come. Where we are
called upon to go beyond what we think we’re capable of. I’m ahead and may you all live in Blessing’s.
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If you enjoy this message and would like to support the mission of Wellspring’s, go to our Web site.
Wellspringsuu.org That’s Wellspring’s the letters. UU dot ORG
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